united campus ministry @ ecu

Here now, more true tales of Induhviduals as reported
by vigilant DNRC members:


There was a question in our company newsletter asking
about whether they could water the flowers in the
bathrooms since they were looking wilted and sick. The
response was "The flowers are artificial."
[Editor’s note: Evidently some employee created a
restroom gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial
plants. You have to admire that on some level.]


==

Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who
start smoking will eventually die." The other two
apparently became immortal.


==

So a few friends and I were at a museum, and they had
this wall of analog clocks with a city name written
under each one, showing what time it was around the
world. We had about ten clocks in view, when my friend
looks at a clock, looks at his watch, looks at the clock
again, and says, “Well, this one’s pretty close, but
all the others are way off.”


==

One week, we had the Land O' Lakes brand on sale and a
customer came, and asked for one pound of store brand
cheese. Trying to be helpful, I told her that we had
the Land O' Lakes cheese on sale for cheaper. She asked
me what the difference was, and I told her that Land
O' Lakes was better. Her response: "I'll take a pound
of the [store] cheese."


==

We were interviewing a new recruit and the owner of
the company made this statement during the interview: "I
believe people are more fragile than eggs, and if it
were up to me, I would rather play with my eggs." It
took quite a bit of restraint not to burst out in
hysterical fits of laughter.

==

While working for a leather company, we were chatting
in the lab about food. One of the other lab
technicians pondered aloud, "I wonder why you never get the skin
on beef?"

==

Every time my husband gets a new temp assignment, he
gets a new security badge. The temp stands against the
wall and the camera – generally in a fixed position –
snaps the ID photo. My husband uses a wheelchair. So
his security picture features the blank wall above his
head.

==

On a canal boating holiday, the boat had a shower,
with a stirrup pump that pumped excess water through the
side of the hull.

A friend (an engineer) asked “Why didn't they put the
hole in the bottom of the boat?”

==

I went to a local pizza restaurant and asked about the
difference between a large and a medium pizza. The
Induhvidual told me the large pizza had 10 slices and
the medium had 8 slices. I told her to take one of the
large pizzas, cut it into 8 slices, and I would pay
for a medium. She just stared at me like I had asked
her a question about Euclidian Geometry.

==

I went into my local bookstore and explained I needed
Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler for a politics essay, the
woman behind the desk said "Is it a new release?"

==

In the interview, which had been going very well up to
this point, the interviewer asked, "Why do you want to
leave your current job?" In my Induhvidual moment, I
responded "It's too much work." Needless to say I
didn't get any further consideration.

==

A few of us were talking about fighter planes and one
of my friends asked, "If a plane is going faster than
the speed of a bullet when it fires, does the bullet
come out the back of the plane?" We were all surprised
when he failed out of the engineering program the
following semester.

==

I was paying my cell phone bill with a debit card. The
Induhvidual behind the counter carefully checked my
signature with the one on the card. I guess that’s to
prevent people from stealing wallets and going around
paying the victim’s bills.